30 December 2011: Epiphanies and Revelations
I get my best ideas in the shower. Maybe it’s because I was born under a water sign so in the shower I am in my element, or maybe it’s because my mind is clear, or maybe because I’m still in that half-dream state. Whatever the case may be, when I’m in the shower, I always seem to have awakenings or epiphanies or revelations, or I’m able to resolve some recurring issue I’ve been struggling with.
Today, on the second last day of 2011, as I stood there with my face directly under the running water, I had one thought: I have been given the gift of true love. Sounds simple, right? It isn’t. I have the gift of true love in the unconventional sense of the meaning. (My subconscious is taking over even as I write this – I just looked back and saw that I inadvertently typed “I have been giving the gift of true love” which, ironically is EXACTLY what I want to say.
Twelve months ago, I wrote down a list of things I wanted in my life for the new year. I began reciting my mantra last January to get these things. Every day, often multiple times a day, I would repeat these words:
Thank you God for all the love and abundance in my life.
Thank you for giving me the gift of True Love,
and thank you for leading me to my lucrative writing career.
Miraculously, as 2011 unfolded, I felt lots of love in my life, I always seemed to have enough necessities, and I even gained a new client who hired me because of my writing ability (she actually read My High Maintenance Life)! I was not getting rich, but my life was rich with love and abundance and writing – just what I had prayed for. But, as the year went on, I struggled, as we humans so often do. I stopped saying my mantra on a regular basis; I got bogged down in relationships that weren’t going the way I thought they should; I got overloaded with work, and probably worst of all, I stopped writing.
Then, today in the shower, it all became clear. As soon as I wrapped a towel around my head, I texted one of the men in my life. (There are several – my Dad, my ex-husband, several guy friends, Friedrich my dog, and one in particular who’s pretty high up on my list). So, I texted that one and said, “I had an epiphalation.” He knew exactly what I was talking about because it just so happens that the other night he had an epiphalation, too. Well, first he said he had an epiphany, then he said he had a revelation, then an entire conversation ensued about which was higher, an epiphany or a revelation, then we decided that the most extreme form of enlightenment is a combination of the two, or an epiphalation.
So, I texted him and realized that not only did I have this incredible enlightenment experience, but that I also wanted to write about it! I mean, really write. In my blog. (Thank you God, for giving me an epiphalation on December 30th so I could write and maybe somebody will still be interested in reading my nearly defunct blog.)
Now, back to my original epiphalation: I have been given the gift of true love. AND, I have been giving the gift of true love to everyone in my life for a very long time. I was praying for true love to come to me. I was asking to receive it from somewhere and someone externally, when all along true love was coming from me. What an incredible gift to be thankful for.
My whole life my friends and family have said to me, “Why are you still talking to [ex-boyfriend, ex-employer, friend who screwed me over, less-than-scrupulous individual that nobody else could tolerate] after how they treated you?” And, every time, my answer was and is the same, “He’s/she’s a really good person on the inside. He/she is trying; struggling just like the rest of us.” Everyone needs a friend. Always. No matter how they act.
Sometimes I felt like maybe I was being walked on, or taken advantage of, but at the risk of being a doormat, I couldn’t make myself feel any other way about the people in my life I had once cared about or loved deeply. For me, some semblance of any positive moments I’ve had in all of my relationships with friends, family, even old boyfriends, never goes away. And, that’s how they reside in my heart – in a positive light; all the negative is permanently erased. I am happy to report that I have learned, after much trial and error that it’s not usually a good idea to enter back into extremely negative relationships. At least I figured that out in the whole “wisdom comes with age” thing.
So, that’s what I learned in the shower today, on December 30, 2011. It was a culmination of things I’m sure, as most revelations are, but finally the light bulb went on. Things aren’t always as they seem. You may be asking for true love or a better job, or a new house to come into your life when maybe you’re already providing that need for someone you love. And that in itself is such a gift.
Now I need a new mantra for 2012. Perhaps one that asks to keep the epiphalations coming?
Happy New Year!