Some days, my high-maintenance life stresses me out so much that I have to listen to spa music to lower my blood pressure. Well, actually, thanks to heredity from my mom’s side of the family, my blood pressure is really low, but if I had high blood pressure, listing to the Ocean Waves radio station on Pandora would certainly lower it. When my stress level is through the roof, spa music calms me down. Wine does the same thing, but since it is usually in the middle of the day while I am trying to work, I opt for the music instead. But, now I’m thinking maybe I should start taking Xanax or something that produces an even bigger effect than if I was drinking a bottle of wine while listening to the spa channel.
After becoming a mom, and working from home, I have often said, “I totally understand why people start drinking in the middle of the day.”
I mean, first you struggle to get your kid to school on time, then you have to walk the dog and pick up his poop (and he is a BIG dog, so it’s like picking up a pile of horse poop), then you attempt to sit down at your computer and the phone rings and it’s the parent of one of your daughter’s classmates and she’s like, “Did you know that your daughter punched my son in the stomach during music class today?” And your first thought is, Wow. Your son must be a total wimp. Did he cry? But, instead of saying that out loud you apologize to the parent and assure her it will never happen again, then call the school and apologize to the music teacher who says she has no idea what happened because one minute they were singing Jesus Loves Me and the next minute your daughter was punching the other kid and then your kid had to be escorted to the principal’s office.
Next, you have to try to actually get some work done while contemplating creative ways to punish your daughter for her “bad decisions” because taking away her iPod and making her fold her own laundry doesn’t seem to be working. And, it isn’t even 9:00 am yet. So you totally get up from your desk to get more coffee and see the bottle of Bailey’s on the shelf above your refrigerator, and think, “Wow. I really need a shot of that in my coffee.” So, you pour it in your coffee, “just this once” and next thing you know you’re drinking a tall glass of Grey Goose and orange juice every morning, just to help you make it to lunchtime. And, before you know it, boom – you’re a stay-at-home-alcoholic.
So, that’s why I listen to the spa channel when I am having a difficult day.
I seriously don’t want my child to be the daughter of a stay-at-home-alcoholic because then she would go to Catholic school and tell all her friends and teachers that her mommy drinks from home. And the teachers would say, “Don’t you mean your mommy works from home?” And your daughter would say, “No. I mean she drinks from home.” And then you would get another phone call from the school that would lead to an investigation by the Department of Child Protective Services and that would really add to your stress level and elevate your blood pressure, so you would have to listen to spa music 24/7 while washing down your Xanax and blood pressure medication with vodka and orange juice.
Today’s Free Advice: Next time you are stressed, just listen to the spa channel. It’s way cheaper than all that alcohol and prescription medication.