My High-Maintenance Life
The Elf is Out of the Closet

The Elf is Out of the Closet

By Karla M. Socci Somers | March 3, 2015

Antonia read my blog. The Elf on the Shelf is out of the closet.

I was out walking the dogs and when I returned, there was my almost-nine-year-old daughter standing in the den with her hands on her hips, waiting for me to walk through the door. When I did, … Read the rest

Elves in the Off-Season…What Happens After Christmas

Elves in the Off-Season…What Happens After Christmas

By Karla M. Socci Somers | January 9, 2015

December 18th – 24th:

elfsnowangelAfter the elf ate dog biscuits, she made a snow angel in flour; became crunchy after I washed the flour off her back;

elfpassedout

passed out next to a wine bottle; elfbystarclimbed another Christmas tree (we had two); climbed a wall divider; and made … Read the rest

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Almost Over

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Almost Over

By Karla M. Socci Somers | December 30, 2014

12:38 am, December 12th:

As part of their Christmas present, we took Antonia and Emma to see The Black Keys at Philips Arena. It was a pretty big deal since it was Antonia’s first concert and Emma’s second. I imagine Antonia will forget all about the elf after … Read the rest

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 3

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 3

By Karla M. Socci Somers | December 18, 2014

7:42 am, December 10th:

Antonia finds the elf in the tree and asks me to get her down. I can’t reach, so we have to ask Albie to extract her. Antonia is happy again and is going to tell all her friends that Jingles has recovered from her … Read the rest

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 2

The Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 2

By Karla M. Socci Somers | December 17, 2014

Just after midnight, December 6th:

I wake up on the couch where Albie and I have fallen asleep watching a movie. “SHIT. I have to move the elf,” I say to Albie.

“OK,” he says, groggily. “You move the elf. I’ll take the dogs out.”

The elf, who … Read the rest

Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 1

Elf on the Shelf Chronicles: Diary of a Victimized Parent, Part 1

By Karla M. Socci Somers | December 16, 2014

I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday; always has been. I love the music, the decorations, the festive feeling in the air, the snow – all of it. My eight-year-old loves Christmas, too. We have been watching White Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation and all the … Read the rest

My Mother Might Be Dead

My Mother Might Be Dead

By Karla M. Socci Somers | December 4, 2014

My mother might be dead, or at the very least, trapped under a heavy object.

At least, that’s what my father led me to believe this afternoon at precisely 2:58 pm.

I was sitting at my desk working when I decided to call my friend, Theresa in New York to … Read the rest

How (Not) to Cook Peanut Butter: A Short Video by Antonia Somers

How (Not) to Cook Peanut Butter: A Short Video by Antonia Somers

By Karla M. Socci Somers | November 25, 2014

Most days I work from home and my eight-year-old daughter, Antonia, is at school. But, this week, she is off for Thanksgiving vacation and, as luck would have it, I had to go to one of my client’s offices for a brief meeting. I say brief, because maybe I … Read the rest

Why My Dogs Smell Like Chicken: Don’t Try this at Home

Why My Dogs Smell Like Chicken: Don’t Try this at Home

By Karla M. Socci Somers | November 14, 2014

My dogs smell like chicken. I noticed this the other night when I bent down to give Friedrich a kiss on the top of his head. Instead of his usual dog smell, he was emitting a scent that strongly resembled roasted chicken, and I think I figured out why.

A … Read the rest

A Cadillac, a Cockroach and Cheeze-Its

A Cadillac, a Cockroach and Cheeze-Its

By Karla M. Socci Somers | October 23, 2014

There is at least one cockroach living somewhere in my car as I write this. I was driving my daughter home from dance class, discussing the difference between Cheez-Its and cheese-flavored Ritz Bits…

Antonia:  “Mom, I want you to buy cheese bits because it’s my turn to bring in the

… Read the rest

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